I was different
It felt shameful that I couldn’t just fit in.
It’s really difficult to heal while you are trying to survive.
Turning the little spark of a 7 year old boy into a blinding wildfire of a well-seasoned, sweeter and wiser, 38 year old soul has been a growing effort. When a wound of rejection needs healing, I always find myself coming back to this question — How can Art heal this ???
I grew up learning to play games with my surroundings. To treat life like a video game. I Looked for codes and passages to help me level-up. I had to be present. I was looking for lucky pennies, casting spells with sticks, searching for signs and signals to lead me in the right direction, playing he-loves-me-not with yellow flowers, and desperately longing for a shooting star to bring me my Prince Ali Ababwa. Any passerby could have invaluable information. Could a magical stranger I meet at the market have all the answers to my grandiose desires ?? Do I only get 3 wishes ??? Can I trust them ????
I always treated my life like my very own movie...
I choose the actors.
I choose the soundtrack and backgrounds.
I choose its rhythm and flow.
I choose the way my story ends.
Homies -- I don’t really know how to properly use a comma. I failed English twice in high school. The fear of scholarly judgment or fear of reading out loud lead me to rely so heavily on my identity as an Artist. As my career went on, the doubts of success, of someone seeing my shortcomings and figuring me out was debilitating. I found myself lost in the pursuits of a creative profession that required so much external validation. Am I really an artist ? Was I a fake?
We are so much more than our work and accomplishments. We are so much more powerful than money. We are creative creatures capable of fucking anything. We live in a castle, on a floating rock. That’s a modern day miracle. Every single person on this planet is a fucking miracle. There is so much to learn from our surroundings. Staying still and quiet to listen to your heart in a digital era feels impossible. But listen up kiddos -- miracles started in the dark, they can happen <3
Cortez showed up in my life when I was feeling lost and lonely. Many lessons were learned in those moments of isolation, melancholy and dissonance. He was my miracle. There were many, many times along my path that I wasn’t giving my intuition enough attention -- the true compass that got me to write this lengthy message. It guided me to adopt Cortez, to purchase a camera, to take notes of our findings, and to document our growth along the way. We had the whole world to see together.
I always envisioned these photographs and stories in galleries, charities, hospitals, stages, theaters, tv shows, cartoons, festivals, schools, children’s books, toys, poetry, billboards, signage, kitchens, jewelry, movies, podcasts, murals, museums, fashion, healing spaces, creative jobs, mobile apps, hotels, digital libraries, nutritious foods, colorful clothes and uplifting music.
I wanted this material to live in community. The possibilities are limitless. I deeply wanted these stories to be tremendously loud. To flood our psyche. To be heard. To be felt, loved and profoundly adored.
Why not ???
My family deserves it.
How far can i project this work into the stratosphere ???
Can we envision a responsible future ???
How many people can be showered with this kind of love ??
Authenticity is magnetic.
It is always rewarded with self worth.
That energy and confidence is unbreakable.
•••
Cortez showed me how to read the winds.
They constantly whispered -- When will you surrender to your natural gifts ??
He reminded me that tomorrow is not guaranteed.
